Changing is a fact of life. We are changing all the time whether we want to or not. Some changes are forced on us and others we can be co creators with. Here are some steps you can take today to overcome challenges in your life.
Steps to Change in Wellness Coaching
1. Recognize something is not working in your life.
This may sound elementary but honestly it can be the hardest step. To fully admit your life is not working for you in some area can feel defeating. After all, it’s not like you haven’t tried all sorts of ways to fix this pesky challenge, yet it still persists.
2. Write out what is not working at the top of a page.
Get really specific on what the problem is. Don’t try to work on ALL your issues at once. Simply pick one.
Now answer these questions surrounding the issue.
Example: This is only one example. Your problem and answers could be totally different!
Problem (specific)– I have gained 30 pounds in the last 2 years.
Behaviors: I eat at restaurants 2 times a week or more. I use food as a reward for a hard day at work. I snack while I am watching TV at night. I eat dessert at almost every meal. I eat when I am stressed. I eat even though I am not truly hungry.
Consequences: I can’t fit into the clothes I once loved to wear. I am increasing my risk of chronic diseases such as type 2 diabetes and heart disease. I am unfairly believed to be lazy because I am overweight.
What have I already done to fix this and why didn’t it work (specific)?
I tried skipping breakfast all month to lesson my calories. I ended up eating more later in the day. I started walking on the treadmill 3 times a week for 30 minutes but didn’t change my eating habits. I tried a low-calorie diet but kept forgetting to track my calories and eventually stopped.
How do I feel about this weight gain?
I feel shameful and worry the gaining won’t stop. I feel defeated, like a failure. I feel sad that I don’t feel sexy anymore. I feel grossed out when I look in the mirror.
How do I feel about the process of changing it?
I feel fearful. I have tried things in the past and nothing seems to work. I fear I don’t have the self-discipline I need to change. I worry I will gain it back anyway. I feel confused and overwhlmed about the right diet for me. I feel sad at the thought of giving up the foods I love to eat.
What would my life look like if I lost the 30 pounds?
I would get back into the Jeans I use to love to wear. I would feel proud of myself for lowering my risk of disease. I would have more energy. I would feel more in control of the food I eat. I would feel sexy. I would feel confident again.
3. Look over everything you just wrote and ask yourself if this problem is really worth changing at this time in your life.
Do the benefits really seem worth the work of change? Sometimes, it’s not. We have a lot to deal with and in the end some things are best to tackle at a less stressful time. If you do feel like the benefits outweigh the consequences, fantastic you are ready to start!
4.Now it’s time to make a plan. A plan is just a goal thought out. Its best to write it!
Change is all about self-discovery. You learn things about yourself with every change you make and one victory will lead to new beliefs that you can overcome more challenges in your life. Change is not linear and perfect. The failures can help you assess what does and doesn’t work for you. The key is to not give up.
You may try 94 times but when it works the 95th time you will be glad you kept going.
What causes depression anyway?
I have suffered with major depression for my entire life. Even as a 5-year-old kid I remember thinking about the feeling of major heaviness on my chest and wondering what it was. I am still managing it to this day at 38 years old. I take supplements like 5-HTP for serotonin levels and have to follow a low sugar diet and wheat free lifestyle to manage my symptoms. Some days are awesome, and some mornings I feel like I got hit by a truck when nothing bad has occurred externally.
First hand I can tell you depression SUCKS. I describe it as being locked in a glass cage as life happens around you. You can see everything happening, but you can’t get your mind and spirit out to enjoy the fun! It’s also a very heavy painful feeling in my chest even though I am still participating in all the activities of life. It almost feels as if a cloud of darkness is sitting over my soul.
Depression runs in my family. My mom was severely depressed for as long as I can remember growing up and also suffered from agoraphobia and hoarding. Her mother was hospitalized multiple times when they use to shock your brain for depression. Clearly there is a genetic component.
It gets confusing when you also have a traumatic childhood and PTSD like I do. It gets even more confusing when you go on special diets to heal other issues and your symptoms improve. If depression was all genetic, or all from a bad childhood, then why do the foods I eat effect it so much?
I believe depression is caused by multiple factors all coming together in a not so awesome way. New studies are finding depression is linked with silent inflammation in the body. A number of things cause silent inflammation. Stress being the biggie! Not only emotional stress but environmental stress. Unknown food intolerances put a lot of stress on the body. Dairy, frankenwheat (that’s what I call todays wheat), refined sugar are the top offenders. Refined sugar is a double whammy not only because of inflammation but also how it effects your blood sugar. Refined sugar pulls minerals from your body to digest itself, and a lack of minerals can cause depression. It really is the worst thing you can eat if you suffer from depression.
Too much stress attacking you and soon your cortisol is out of control and serotonin and dopamine are not able to keep up with the body’s demands for it. Your sleeping becomes erratic, your appetite is either out of control or gone out the window, you have low energy and sex sounds boring. You lose excitement and may even feel extreme emotional pain. This is clinical depression. If it is severe do not feel embarrassed about going to your doctor for pharmaceutical help. I spent years highly against these meds from everything I was reading in the natural health world, until I became close to suicidal a few years back and went and got Prozac. It did help me through a rough patch, but I discontinued them due to side effects once I was able to manage my stress better though diet and supplements.
Diet is an important piece when you are prone to depression. For someone who has experienced a lot of trauma throughout their childhood, it is even more important they get serious about feeding their body a low inflammatory diet to manage symptoms for all sorts of diseases depression included.
Figuring out what hidden food intolerances you have through a blood test or elimination diet should be your first step after you have removed wheat, dairy, and sugar for a few weeks.
Supplements I have found helpful for my depression are 5-HTP for my serotonin levels and Mucuna for my dopamine. Everyone has different levels of brain chemicals that could be contributing to symptoms. You might need to experiment a little. Sometimes when I take Mucna I become very anxious and this tells me I actually need more serotonin supplements and less dopamine.
Regular exercise sounds exhausting when you are depressed but it is proven to help once you start! You don’t need to learn a big workout program and start powerlifting although that’s fantastic if you do! Just start with something easy like power walking 30 minutes a few days a week or a yoga class and go from there. The key is to not stress yourself out even more with a fancy workout program your mind isn’t ready for. Baby steps turn into leaps and before you know it you are working out regularly and starting to feel better.
You are not alone and depression is more common today than ever.
Realizing you need to address all these aspects of your life to heal might feel overwhelming. You might want to hire someone who has been through it and can support you through the changes.
Fake Fat Sucks
You step on the scale with anticipation.
It’s your weekly weigh in day. You have been following your calorie plan all week.
Gasp! You see a 2-pound weight GAIN. You think “WTH! I give up! …and go eat a donut”.
Not so fast! You might have actually lost 1 pound of real fat and gained 2 pounds of fake fat.
What the heck is fake fat?
It looks real, you can see it on your body and on the scale. It’s not fat though, its inflammation. Think back over your diet for the week. Were you eating dairy, corn, fake sugars, or wheat? Even when you calorie restrict, these foods are known to cause a silent intolerant reaction. Silent meaning you don’t break out in hives itch and feel horrible when you ingest them immediately like an allergic reaction. The reactions you are having are subtle and can take up to 24 hours to show up.
You might find you look “pudgy”.
Your stomach is a bit bloated.
Your face and legs are puffy.
Your rings are harder to get on in the morning.
You are waking up with a slightly stuffy nose or a headache in the morning.
You have a hard time getting to sleep at night.
You struggle with mild anxiety.
These are all very subtle signs that you are eating something your body is intolerant to. The top offenders are wheat, dairy, sugar, fake sugars, corn, and eggs. In all reality though you can be intolerant to anything. Its up to you to figure out what you have been eating a lot of lately that might be the offender.
When you eat these foods, your body will hold on to more water and create inflammation to help “heal” the offended area. Many of us have a leaky gut from these food intolerances.
Large undigested particles will pass into your bloodstream instead of getting digested, and you will feel uncomfortable as a result and see a weight increase on the scale. The weight gain is not the worst of it. Long-term exposure to foods you are intolerant to can increase your chance of intestinal illness and autoimmune conditions. This was a big part of how I ended up getting sick with Interstitial Cystitis.
To figure out if you are having problems with foods the cheapest way is to do an elimination diet. Eat only meats, fish, vegetables, fruits, healthy fats and rice for a week and then introduce the offending food to note any reactions. I happen to be intolerant to white rice and you might find even on the “safe” diet you are still having issues. You have to be your own detective.
Once you figure it out and abstain from the offending foods you will be blessed with water weight loss, more energy, better sleep, less headaches and colds, and less blaoting. Your anticipation to step on the scale after all your hard work will be rewarded and your health will thank you!
Whole foods are awesome, but yes calories DO matter to weight loss!
Weight loss can seem like an elusive topic these days. Everyone has a theory. Low carb, high carb, whole 30, vegan, low calorie. They ALL promise results. Every one one of these special diets have something right. Reminds of me all the world religions. If we would all get on the same page and put it all together we might be on to something. Let’s discuss the top three.
A low carb diet can be as simple as eliminating all grains, legumes, and sugars to as hard as counting every single macro and making sure your “net carbs” are under 20 grams a day while peeing on sticks to check for a purple color representing ketones. Carbs have a bad name in the recent years, and for good reason. As a society, we tend to eat way too many of them. Not the healthy kind like berries and sweet potatoes, but the refined crap like French fries, potato chips, and crackers. If you haven’t heard by now, these foods don’t satisfy. They cause cravings in the brain for MORE. So, you eat MORE, and you get BIGGER. What a concept. How many times have you sat down to eat a sweet potato and ended up binging on them? Probably not often unless it came in a bag and was labeled “sweet potato chips”.
Low carb diets theorize the body turns into fat burning mode and uses up your fatty acids for energy instead of the sugar you normally feed yourself. Whether this is true or not, people tend to lose weight on a low carb plan. At first you will lose a substantial amount because most of it is water. This can be exciting until one “cheat” and all the weight comes back overnight. The jury is still out if you are actually losing weight because of less calories or because of the ketones. You can find blog battles about this all over the internet.
A benefit to a low carb dieting is many find they lose their appetite after a week or two, so it is much easier to stick to the diet! Without cravings, it’s much easier to eat green veges and protein every night. I have done this diet many times and I can attest to the fact that you will lose weight. The problem for me was that no matter how much my appetite was curbed I still ended up wanting something “off” the diet list after a few weeks and it would throw my body out of ketosis. I would have to start the whole thing again. Getting your body into ketosis can be quite uncomfortable. Ketosis diets are used by doctors for people with epilepsy and brain cancer. My brain feels much clearer while following this diet after a few weeks but its not sustainable for me. I still use this diet if I feel like my brain is getting a bit to foggy and I have been eating to many carbs after the holidays.
One downfall is for those prone to mental health issues. Depression and anxiety can get out of control on the low carb diet. Especially women. This happens to me big time! I actually shake inside the first few days on it. My husband can tell the first day I am on it. It's kind of a joke in our house, "Um honey are you low carb again?". I have read it could be due to women needing more carbs to make serotonin or the fact that your stress hormones are elevated. I have to rely on taking 5-HTP especially at the beginning of this program. Not everyone has this issue. Some people even report it cures their mental health problems. If you are someone who already struggles with depression I would not try this diet without being under your doctor’s care.
The Whole 30 Diet has been made popular by a woman named Melissa Hartwig. She has an inspiring story and has overcome many challenges in her life. I have a lot of respect for her. Without knowing it I had been following the “Whole 30 Diet” for many years. Before it was called The Whole 30 Diet. I did this to calm my autoimmune reactions while I was sick with Interstitial Cystitis. You eliminate dairy, all grains and legumes, added sugars, soy, alcohol, and anything processed for a full 30 days. This is not advertised as a weight loss diet, but the secret is out many people loose substantial amount of weight while doing it. It is not uncommon for people to stay on it for many months to continue the weight loss. The first week on this diet can be really tough. You will most likely have major sugar cravings and feel many different detox symptoms. This is a good thing, but it feels terrible. My sister did this diet and felt amazing from day 1, so not everyone experiences this. I am not so lucky. I get headaches, bloating, fatigue, anxiety, and massive cravings when I go on it for the first week. I think our individual gut bacteria plays a major role in how we will respond.
A benefit to Whole 30, much like low carb, is there is no calorie counting. You just eat healthy foods and rely on your body to give you the cues to stop eating. When you eat only whole foods your leptin hormone signals for hunger get balanced and you can trust your body. You are also getting a huge dose of vitamins and minerals, which is never a bad thing!
One downfall to this plan is when you get to your last 10-20 pounds it may not work anymore. At the beginning if you have a lot of weight to lose you will naturally be consuming less calories. Once your energy needs lower with weight loss you will need to watch your calories to lose the last bit of weight. I think the whole 30 diet is awesome for so many reasons but if weight loss is your goal, you might need to also log your intake. I needed to log again to loose my holiday weight gain. I am a woman of average 5’5 height and for me to lose the last 10 I can’t eat more than 1200-1300 calories a day if I am not regularly working out. On whole 30 you might be eating a lot of nuts, butter, and healthy fats which can pack in the calories and prevent you from losing the last 10 pounds. So just be mindful!
Low Calorie Diet
Here we come to one of the most time proven ways to lose weight. The calorie restricted diet. This is still the top way to lose weight in my opinion, science still agrees. No matter what special diet you are doing, it is most likely because of the restricted calories that you are actually losing weight. After I had my children and had 60 pounds to lose, this is the way I did it. I had no idea in my 20s about the low carb diet or any special type of diet. I just used my fitness pal to log all my calories and I did lose all my weight within 8 months. It was not easy all the time due to my sugar eating habits, but I did it. After I got sick with IC is when I started researching all these other diets to help me get out of pain and saw their benefits as well.
You can lose weight eating 1200 calories a day of sugar and crap food. This is not advisable and would be VERY hard to do because of the continuous cravings you would be having due to consuming low nutrient dense food and chemicals. Using a combo of the whole foods diet and low-calorie diet will most likely get you to your goal. People tell me all the time, “But Melissa I am NOT losing weight on this 1200 calorie diet of whole foods”. Then I make them seriously log everything they eat for a week with a food scale and find out they are actually eating about 1800-2000 calories a day. Every bite counts when you are a shorter woman! Often, they don't measure the oil they put in their salad and don’t realize how many calories oil and butter have. The couple of nuts they eat here and there added another few hundred! Eating whole foods (nothing from a package) and staying away from refined sugar while also counting calories with a food scale will not only curb your cravings but you will be feeding your body nutrient dense food and nourishing your body while losing. Allowing yourself a weekly cheat meal not more than 300 calories over your normal daily calories will keep you sane. Just make sure you know your limits. If you are a sugar addict like me, I would keep sugar out of your cheat meals if it has the ability to completely throw you off. I like to use red wine as my cheat. I justify its feeding my good bacteria:)
We are all different when it comes to food preferences and losing weight should not make you crazy! If something isn’t working don’t fight it, try another way. Wellness is not about following a ridged lifestyle of a specific diet and supplement routine, it’s about finding what works for your body and mind! Hiring a coach to keep you on tract and hold you accountable can be the missing piece. Let me help you with your weight loss goals!
Health is everything
Have you ever known a ridiculously happy successful person who was not healthy? Most likely you haven’t. Without health, you cannot be as productive, energetic, or as driven as you would be if health was at your core. It’s hard to experience all life has to offer when you are living in chronic pain, fatigued, or depressed. Even if you have amazing experiences happening all around you, bad health gets in the way every time. Human growth is stunted when you have to focus on some bodily or mental ailment.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs states we cannot be self-actualized humans reaching our full potential until we have our fundamental need for food, water, and health in place.
I am not sure Maslow meant until we eat a lot of refined sugar, processed foods, and drink a lot of alcohol and pop. Yet this is what most people put at the bottom of their pyramid.
This is the basis for everything else. How can we move up from this pile of crap we have as our building block? Are we satisfied being tired, bloated, and sick? I doubt it. I am not shaming anyone. This is what our culture has become. No one makes a conscious decision to follow the most unhealthy diet possible and get sick. Little by little, day by day, we get bombarded with messages form childhood about what to eat. The problem is the FDA food pyramid was loaded with carbs at the bottom and fruits and vegetables were more of an afterthought. This way of eating only set us up for cravings for more carbs and sugar. Lets face it, sugar tastes REALLY good, and companies are very aware of this. Their main job is to get you HOOKED and hooked we are! At what expense though? Is it worth your self actualization?
Is following a diet of chemical crap really more important then realizing your dreams and full potential? I would have to say a resounding HECK NO!
Lets face it, change is hard people. If it was easy we would all be fighting crowds just to get a spot in the gym every morning, waiting in line to get first dibs on the new broccoli delivery, and throwing out our TV's so we have more room to read in our living room. For some possibly spiritual reason, universally it appears anything worth having seems to take work. Not the kind of work like chanting to crystals and praying to a vision board. Change seems to be the catalyst for growth. Its not easy, but it is doable. Once you make one change, then another, and another.. you slowly move up the pyramid. Without realizing it eventually will get to the top!
The top of yourself.
Reaching your full potential.
Oh the possibilities!
Melissa is the Author of Healing Through the Pain How I overcame Interstitial Cystitis. She writes about health (physical, emotional and spiritual) from a vulnerable place, after overcoming Interstitial Cystitis and still battling emotional illness. She is passionate about helping women realize their ability to make changes and move forward from difficult situations in their lives.
If you have any poetry you would like to submit do so to the email below.